Star Wars Dialogue Makes No Sense

Fact: I am an average red-blooded American Male. I like football, car chases, electronic stuff, and the women in beer commercials.

Fact: As part of this heritage and due to my age/demographic (I don't really understand the word demographic) the original Star Wars movies had a large impact on me.

This past weekend, my wife was driving home from visiting her folks and I was busy cleaning and doing some file reorganization for my few (but valuable) clients. I decided I should put on all three Star Wars movies consecutively while I did some menial tasks. I am big into the consecutive trilogy watching. My wife took a business trip once and I watched all three Lord of the Rings extended versions (that's 11.5 hours of running time).

Anyway, it's a weird expierience to hear snippets of Star Wars dialogue now when I have the context of all six movies and some expanded universe knowledge (for more on Expanded Universe, please move into your parents basement or go here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_Wars_Expanded_Universe)

As I heard more and more snippets, I find myself thinking various thoughts such as "that's not right." or "why does that character say that when this happens 35 minutes later to prove it falsely.

Don't get me wrong, I am not talking bad about Star Wars. Ok, yes I am. I thought it would be a good idea to start a blog dissecting each line of dialogue in the three original movies and cite proof as to why they don't make any sense. I may do this soon.

As an example. In Star Wars (A New Hope, i.e. the 1977 movie), Obi Wan and Luke happen upon the Sandcrawler that sold Luke R2-D2 and C3-P0. Obi Wan makes the following comment: "These blast points - too accurate for Sandpeople. Only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise." Which is amazing, seeing as how Stromtroopers couldn't hit the ground for the rest of the triology.

Like I said, it makes no sense.

There's also the famous Kessel Run commetn about less than 12 parsecs: "You've never heard of the Millenium Falcon? It's the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs."

Unfortunately, I know that a parsec is a measurement of distance - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parsec

Thus, it is the equivalent of saying "You've never heard of Roger Bannister - He's the miler who ran a marathon in less than 26 miles."

Also, I want to invent power converters in the future. They are everywhere - big, small, they are on planets, in droids, in Starships and Death Stars.

Fun drinking game - watch Star Wars and drink every time you hear or see a Power Convertor. Maybe the dialogue will make sense then.

As for me, I was able to type a blog in less than 6 kilometers.

Just Quotes

The Format for the favorite pics was all screwy, so I'll just post links to it this weekend.

Here are the Quotes:

"I may, I suppose, regard myself or pass for being a relatively successful man. People occasionally stare at me in the streets and that's fame. I can fairly easily earn enough to qualify for admission into the higher slopes of the England revenue and that's success [he paid high taxes]. Furnished with money and a little fame, even the elderly, if they care to, may partake of trendy diversions and that's pleasure. It might happen once in a while that something I said or wrote was sufficiently heeded for me to persuade myself that it represented a serious impact on our time and that's fulfillment. Yet I say to you, and I beg you to believe me! Multiply these tiny triumphs by a million, add them all together, and they are nothing! Less than nothing! A positive impediment measured against one draft of that living water Christ offers to the spiritually thirsty, irrespective of who or what they are. What, I ask myself, does life hold? What is there in the works of time, in the past, now, and to come, which could possibly be put in the balance of the refreshment of drinking that water?"

-Malcolm Muggeridge

"I submit that an individual who breaks a law that conscience tells him is unjust, and willingly accepts the penalty by staying in jail to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice, is in reality expressing the very highest respect for the law."

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

"When Christians are exposed to public insult, when they suffer and die for his sake, Christ takes on visible form in his Church. Here we see the divine image created anew through the power of Christ crucified." -Dietrich Bonhoeffer

"The real problem is not why some pious, humble, believing people suffer, but why some do not."

-C.S. Lewis

"Hope is not victory."

-J.R.R. Tolkien

"I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly."

-Steven Wright

"As I looked out a moment ago from the Reichstag, that embodiment of German unity, I noticed words crudely spray-painted upon the wall, perhaps by a young Berliner: "This wall will fall. Beliefs become reality." Yes, across Europe, this wall will fall. For it cannot withstand faith; it cannot withstand truth. The wall cannot withstand freedom."

-Ronald Reagan

[about renouncing Satan at his daughter's baptism] I wish I had sprouted devil wings and said, "I do not! I'll be baaaack!" and gone off to my mountain lair.

-Conan O'Brien

"There is no such thing as an impartial jury because there are no impartial people. There are people that argue on the web for hours about who their favorite character on "Friends" is. "

-Jon Stewart

"There is no promise more surely given, anywhere in the Bible, than that God will give the Spirit to those who ask."

-Archibald Alexander

"Pharisees couldn't stand him; but they found out they couldn't stop him. Pilate couldn't find any fault in him; the witnesses couldn't get their testimonies to agree. Herod couldn't kill him; Death couldn't handle him, and the grave couldn't hold him. He has always been and he always will be. He had no predecessor and he has no successor. There was nobody before him and there will be no one after him. You can't impeach him and he isn't going to resign."

-S.M. Lockridge

"Pastors are like manure. If you spread them out, they can do a good job of what they are supposed to be doing. But if you pile them all together, it's not a pretty picture."

-Rick Downs

"God is much more prone to be ready to forgive your sins than you are to believe he is."

-Can't find the source on this one.

"Following Adam's course, it is now not by obedience to the Word, but by twisting or suppressing God's Word that the upward ascent is attempted. Ignoring the Fall, this theology of glory is the revelation of the Law still ringing in the conscience with the false witness of the human agent answering back in self-confident autonomy, always trying to infer the inevitable verdict, thinking their original problem was merely shame rather than guilt, Adam and Eve covered themselves with loincloths. And ever since, we have found ourselves incapable, or rather unwilling, to accept the radical diagnosis of our own depravity. We can talk about the evil outside of us, the others, whomever they may be, evil places, forces, structures, and principles; but like the religious leaders whom Jesus challenged, we refuse to locate the evil in ourselves."

-Michael Horton

"The entire story of the Bible can be summed up by the words 'But God.'"

-Anon







And if you have the time, check out www.graphjam.com - hilarious.

How Did I Do?

College Football Predicitions:

Conference - Predicition Reality Score
ACC - Wake/VT BC/VT 1/2
Big Ten - Ohio St. Penn St. 0/1
Big 12 - Oklahoma/Mizz. Okla./Mizz. 2/2
Pac-10 - USC USC 1/1
SEC - UGA/Aub. Ala./UF 0/2
Big East - WVU Cinncinnatti 0/1
Conf USA - ECU over Tulsa ECU/Tulsa 2/2
MAC - C.Mich/Miami Ball St./Buff. 0/2
Sun Belt - FAU Troy 0/1
WAC - Boise St. Boise St. 1/1

Nat'l Championship - Ohio St. (finally) over Georgia. yea, not going to be either of those two.

7/15 ain't too bad.

Too bad the Big 12 ended the way it did. If Texas had just beaten Texas Tech., then it would be much easier. Longhorn fans are so obnoxious.

Wake the Nation

Wake Forest football begins tonight against the Baylor Bears. For the first time in school history, Wake is ranked in the preseason top 25 (#23 in both the AP and Coaches poll). They return a healthy dose of starters, one of the best kicker/punters in the nation, a strong expierienced defense, and an offense finding its groove. The media is in love with them and most are picking them to either outright win the ACC or finish second or third.

This is the first time I've been excited about WFU football since December 2007 (aka last season).

My picks for major conferences:

ACC - Wake over VT
Big Ten - Ohio St.
Big 12 - Oklahoma over Missouri
Pac-10 - USC
SEC - Georgia over Auburn
Big East - WVU
Conf USA - ECU over Tulsa
MAC - Cent. Michigan over Miami (OH)
Sun Belt - FAU
WAC - Boise St.

Nat'l Championship - Ohio St. (finally) over Georgia.

Movie Scores

I'm not a huge music guy. My wife can hear three notes of a song, tell you what it is, who sang it, and what old song they sampled when they rewrote it. I could be listening to Thunder Road by Bruce Springsteen (my favorite song by my favorite musician) and not even know it.

When I took guitar lessons, I realized I had tapped out my skill when my teacher was instructing me on how to listen a song and learn to play it. He would strum on the guitar and say "see? this one is in the key of B." My blank expression was less than encouraging. I can read music, but when it comes to tonal recognition, I feel like Simple Jack.

Surprisingly, I can instantly recognize and am very cognizant of music in movies. And I don't mean when Linkin Park blares over some action montage with Vin Diesel. I am talking about how the music soars and is a strong element in what is visually happens on screen.

I should digress here to distinguish in my mind between soundtracks and scores. The instrumental orchestra that intertwines itself with the picture in the frame. This is a movie's score. The bands that play old or original songs that can be listened independently constitute soundtrack. While some soundtracks are good, I enjoy scores much more. I do appreciate innovative sue of soundtrack (Almost Famous), but they are few and far between. So, I've decided to compile a list of my favorite movie scores. I've organized it into several different categories. I wish I wasn savvy to include links to iTunes, but I'm not. I'm in the process of making an iMix of them, but I need to acquire a lot of the songs first.

My All Time Top 20 - These scores stand alone. I listen to them in the car, when I work, when I read. They could be modern classical themes, if they didn't first appear in a movie.

1. Sunshine.
2. Blood Diamond.
3. Gladiator.
4. Stardust.
5. Lord of the Rings.
6. The Last Samurai.
7. Apollo 13.
8. Rudy.
9. Legend of Bagger Vance.
10. Shawshank Redemption.
11. The Fountain.
12. Days of Thunder.
13. 13th Warrior.
14. Superman
15. Last of the Mohicans
16. Transformers
17. Pirates of the Caribbean
18. Crimson Tide
19. Lion King
20 Batman Begins.

Honorable Mention - 20th Century Fox Fanfare. For more than half of my life, I thought that this was part of the Star Wars score. For a long time, I only thought this fanfare preceeded yellow words in space. It gets a spot, because while it seems it is used sparingly, you know when you hear it, you're about to see a kick ass movie.

Top 10 that complete the movie. This is a list of scores so strong, they outshine parts of the movie. a good example is number 4 - Jaws. The Jaws theme is so scary, someone could play just that and you're terrified. Couple it with an underwater shot of a swimmer's legs, and you've got a summer blockbuster.

1. Superman. The first time I saw Superman, I was absolutely positive, when the fanfare hit during the title credits, the music said "SUPERMAN!" You know what I mean
2. The Passion of the Christ.
3. Sunshine.
4. Jaws.
5. Rocky.
6. Rudy.
7. Godfather.
8. Transformers.
9. Halloween.
10. Apollo 13.

Top 5 Horror Movies
1. Jaws
2. Halloween
3. The Omen.
4. The Ring.
5. Requiem for a Dream. I don't care what anyone says. That movie is a horror movie.

Classics (Pre 1975 film).
1. Ben-Hur
2. Laurence of Arabia.
3. Patton.
4. Magnificent Seven.
5. The Great Escape.

Hanz Zimmer
1. Gladiator
2. Days of Thunder.
3. Pirates of the Carribbean.
4. Lion King (I think he did part of this)
5. Crimson Tide
6. Batman Begins
7. I should probably just list every movie he's ever done.

Just parts of the score, not the entire collection
1. Mr. Holland's Opus
2. Empire of the Sun.
3. Somewhere in Time.
4. Iron Man.
5. Ocean's 11, 12, 13
6. All Three Bourne movies.
7. Kingdom of Heaven.
8. The Village.
9. 300
10. Top Gun
11. Kill Bill

Sci-Fi
1. Matrix Trilogy
2. Terminator
3. Transformers.
4. Armageddon.
5. Iron Giant.

John Williams. I didn't list a lot of his scores. He really is in a league of his own. His music is so iconic, it's hard group with others, as it has no equal. So I'll list my favroite John Williams themes.
1. Superman
2. Star Wars
3. Jaws
4. E.T.
5. Jurassic Park
6. Munich
7. Harry Potter

Honorable Mentions
Man on Fire
Spy Game
Batman
Children of Men
National Treasure
Dragonheart
Titanic
The Mummy
Unforgiven
A Beautiful Mind
Amistad
Schindler's List
Rambo
Platoon
Mr. Holland's Opus
Mortal Kombat
Starship Troopers
Hunt for Red October
The Natural
The Mission
Courage Under Fire
Da Vinci Code
Robin Hood Prince of Theives
The Rock
Braveheart
Black Hawk Down
The Terminal

Olympic Politics Humdrum

I've enjoyed watching the Olympics this year for the first time since Atlanta in 96. Of course, that basically means I didn't like Sydney and Athens. One of my pet peeves about sports reporting is when sports writers try and use a long period of time to imply a period of success or domination. They use hyperbole to mask the fact that sometimes, things just don't happen every day.

For example: U.S. Athlete Clay first decathlete to win Olympic gold since 96! You think, wow, it's been 12 years, what happened to the US? Smarter people think, no kidding, there wasn't one in 2000 or 2004, there's been two chances!

Cleveland Indians Pitcher Cliff Lee wins 10th game - first time since 2004! Yeah, because he was injured for like 3 years, what do you expect?

Regardless, I am a definite Phelps Phan. It was very exciting to see him set a goal. The races were full of drama. Two unbelievable close finishes. It is always fascinating to me to see the answer to a long standing trivia question change. Michael Phelps hopefully will be the answer to many questions for years to come. What I am afraid of now is that his success will soon become the source of controversy.

My prediction a week ago was this: A US journalist will uncover the truth about the underage Chinese gymnasts. In retaliation, China will produce a positive drug test by Michael Phelps. I am not saying that Phelps is on drugs. But the Olympic testing facility is in Beijing. And we have seen affirmative proof that they faked their opening ceremonies, and most people are at least suspicious of the age of their gymnasts. Thus, if the US is seen as taking away their proud gold medal in gymnastics (which their girls team has been training for since they were 3, so like 7 years), China will attack in predictable fashion against the US golden boy.

And I don't mean China as all Chinese nationals. I mean the Chinese government. The Chinese people have been fascinating to watch in general. They cheer everything. They love US Basketball, fast swimming, rowing, you name it. At every event I see Chinese people cheering wildly for live sports in which they have no athletes. They mob a British reporter thinking he is Michael Phelps. It is odd to see such a gracious people ruled by such a rigid and incomprehensible government.


McCain vs. OBAMA - He picked Biden. Who will McCain pick? Maybe a pro-choice candidate. WHO CARES? Both candidates suck, but this is what I think: Bush and Putin conspired for Russia's recent actions to drive into the hearts of the American people that the next president needs to be strong in foreign policy - to get McCain elected. I have no proof, just a thought in my head.

Oscar List

I haven't done a top ten movie thing in a while, so, since the Oscars were just last week, I'll give you my top 15 Oscar winners for Best Picture. Two conditions: 1. It had to win specifically for Best Picture. Not Best Screenplay, not Best Director, not nominated. Win. Best. Picture. 2. I had to have actually seen it. So, sorry if the English Patient deserves to be up here, but it will most likely never satisfy condition number 2.

First, let me list the ones I've seen:

All Quiet on the Western Front (1930)
Casablanca (1943)
On the Waterfront (1954)
The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)
Ben-Hur (1959, my mom's favorite movie)
West Side Story (1961)
Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
Oliver! (1968)
Patton (1970, my grandfather's favorite movie)
The Godfather, The Sting, The Godfather, Part II, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Rocky, and Annie Hall (1972-77)

Chariots of Fire (1981)
The Last Emporer (1987)
Rain Man (1988)
Dances With Wolves, The Silence of the Lambs, Unforgiven, Schindler's List, Forrest Gump, Braveheart (1990-95)

Titanic, Shakespeare in Love, American Beauty, Gladiator, A Beautiful Mind, Chicago, The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (1997-2003)

Crash, The Departed, No Country for Old Men (2005-08).

I think that's thirty-four of them. On with my top 15:

15. Patton - I very much want to believe that George C. Scott's portrayal was a tone down. If this guy was a four star general during WWII, it's amazing that we didn't conquer the world then. A very interesting look into the arrogance of our national identity. The music rocks, too.

14. Braveheart - Another good movie with music. I think the story is very inspiring, although somewhat historically inaccurate. I find it odd that it was nominated for best film editing even though there are five obivous instances of poor editing. Maybe the Oscars isn't the best judge of movie quality. I recently learned (and became disgusted with) how political the process is.

13. A Beautiful Mind - I always give very high points to films that can evoke the same emotion in the audience that the character is feeling (which is partly why I like Children of Men so much). Here, the audience feels the same betrayal and denial at film's big twist. The movie is not what you were expecting when you bought a ticket, and yet, it is still very very good. Ron Howard's second best film.

12. The Sting - the music in this movie sucks. It would probably be top five but for the fact that I feel like dancing the Charelston on a flag pole when I watch it. Robert Shaw is awesome, btw.

11. On the Waterfront - An excellent demonstration in how to build tension and emotion toward a climax. The story and film start off slow, but build rapidly to where you find yourself cheering. This is also where you might notice a lot of the movies I mention have almost cliche quotes. Every half assed actor can give you his or her best Brando from this movie.

10. Ben-Hur - I also like epic movies. This movie is a little complicated to sum up in one paragraph. It has an intermission. The chariot race still sets the bar pretty high.

9. The Godfather, Part II - Part of me doesn't see how anybody could think that Part II is better than Part I. So without looking ahead, I'll say that this is almost the perfect movie. And it would be if it wasn't the sequel to a perfect movie.

8. No Country for Old Men - Notable on this list for it's almost complete absence of musical score. The acting is perfect, the dialogue is amazing, and the storytelling is at an elevated level. You don't need to see an exact shot to know what happened. Many people don't like the ending, but I think if they understand Tommy Lee Jones' character, they would appreciate the movie a little more.

7. Rocky - More recognizable music and quotes. It's very weird how artistically talented Sly was earlier in his career (I think First Blood is quite good), but now he has found himself on the business end of the movie industry.

6. Schindler's List - The first time I saw this movie, I simply sat and thought for thirty minutes.

5. Gladiator - One of my favorite movie scores of all time. I think most of it was copied from The Planets. Yeah, it's a great action movie, but it's really about the emotional journey the hero takes. I also like movies where the death of the character is pretty much revealed at the beginning, but somehow you are still shocked when it happens.

4. Casablanca - I was amazed when I watched this movie that I recognized probably 75% of the quotes without knowing it. A truly great love story, and very enjoyable.

3. Lord of the Rings: Return of the King - The epic of all epic movies. There will never be anything like this seen again on film. Music is fantastic. I still get cheers when Rohan shows up to save the day.

2. Unforgiven - I didn't really like Unforgiven at first. I thought it was really boring. But there are few moments on film better than when Clint walks into the bar at the end, caring not about his death, and sadly realizing he will never find redemption.

1. The Godfather - I think it's the perfect movie (although it comes in at no.2 on my all time favorites). The music, the acting, the dialogue, the quotability, the plot, the pacing, everything perfectly comes together. Michael's slow descent into becoming the Godfather is wretchingly sad to watch. Over three hours we see him go from "That's my family, Kay, not me." to "don't ask me about my business, Kay." Sometimes, running halfway around the world isn't enough to escape those who seek to do you harm.

That being said, I give this movie the slight edge to GFPII because it is a little more iconic and the journey into evil is a little more eloquent. GF portrays Michael as an innocent war hero descending into a mob boss who kills all his rivals. GFPII shows the same Michael as a mob boss trying to escape who ends up killing his brother. I think the descent covers more ground in GF, but I understand that people differ on that point. I will briefly mention GFIII here only for the amazing scene Michael has with the Priest. Seeking redemption for all his past sins, Michael realizes forgivness will not come from God because he cannot forgive a) others, or b) himself. Plus, GFPII doesn't have crazy wife beating James Caan, and that's always going to give a movie the edge.

-G

Hey, that was a math joke, buddy

I read this day and thoguht it was the funniest thing I'd read in a long time:

There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those that understand binary and those that do not.

Hilarious.

Oh yeah, the Super Bowl

I planned on watching the Super Bowl simply for the commercials. I had no love for either team, and I must admit to some dislike for both. While I wanted the Giants to beat the evil Patriots, I wasn't happy about rooting for them. As the game progressed, however, I slowly became more and more invested in the game. And it turned into one of the best of all time. During the entire fourth quarter, I simply sat in front of the tv saying "Oh my God. Oh my God! OH MY GOD!" Amazing. Looking back, here are my top 5 Super Bowls:

1. Tennessee vs. St. Louis (I'm too lazy to look up numbers). The Tackle. This game is living proof that in sports, yes, one yard does matter, yes one inch does matter, yes one step does matter, yes fundamentals do matter, yes one second matters, yes you play the game for four quarters. If you ever need to feel excited about something, find Jeff Fisher's fourth quarter speech to the Titans. It will send chill's down your spine as your watch the comeback.

2. New York vs. New England. The Catch II? Is that what we are calling Eli's un freaking believable scramble and the catch against the helmet? Eli, welcome to greatness. As an aside, I will say that Brady has a small arsenal stored off his right shoulder. When he threw that Hail Mary to Moss, he rolled out to the right side, threw it 75 yards IN THE AIR ACROSS THE FIELD. That's like 100 yards straight up. And that's like, the length of the field. He can't wear long sleeves, it's carrying a concealed weapon. Dude's got guns.

3. New York vs. Buffalo. How much of an impact did this Super Bowl have? Find someone from Buffalo. Say Scott Norwood. Watch them cry.

4. Denver vs. Green Bay. Elway's scramble in the fourth where he got helicoptered around. That game was a great back and forth between two great QBs. Every play was fantastic to watch. And I love the difficult decision at the end. Do you let Denver score the TD to give yourself enough time to get the ball back? Or do you fight and claw to stop them?

5. I guess New York vs. Baltimore. Without the guarantee, this game is not as great. I wasn't even alive. But I can't think of another one. Maybe San Fran v. Cincinatti. Yeah, that's better. My favorite QB of all time. Screw Joe Namath.

I thought the commercials were average. My top 5:

1. Stewie and Underdog fighting over the Coke.

2. The Doritos with the big mouse.

3. The Pepsi commercial with Night at the Roxbury music.

4. Charles Barkley and Dwayne Wade.

5. JT and Pepsi.

The worst:

1. The Doritos one with the singer.

2. Bud's clydesdale.

3. the effing talking baby ones. i hate crap like that. why do people love those?

4. Go Daddy. Yes Danica Patrick is hot, but that commerical was so lame.

5. The geckos and the vitamin water and Thriller. Just stupid.

-G

Lost, Cycle of the Internet

This didn't post for some reason:

So Lost returned last night. I'm kind of over this show. I need forward progression.



About a year ago, I thought about blogging about my cycle of the Internet. I finally got around to it. [Bravo.]



My day starts like this. Open IE. look at jokes on iGoogle. Then go to my fantasy baseball/football page.



Cracked.com - top 10 list for that day. Gmail. Yesbutnobutyes.com. Somethingawful.com ESPN - MLB, NFL, Page 2. ClevelandIndains.com. Movies.com. Facebook. DTGuilds.com - Random Picture Thread. Wikipedia. IMDB. Blogs. Tennessean.com. MSNBC.



Every now and then I'll throw in a 4chan, MySpace, hotmail, or a few other sites.



I repeat this least 18 times a day.

In law school, I had a friend who saved all his Internet for Wills and Trusts.

-G