Quotient Quotables

Update: I've edited and added some content.

I know one person who will find the title of this post funny, my friend Chad. Too bad he doesn't read my blog. One of my weird interests is the appreciation of quotes. I don't really collect them becauese a) it's near impossible, and b) the only thing I collect are shotglasses.

Nevertheless, I wanted to assemble some of my favorite quotes and discuss why I like some of them:

One of the funniest quotes of all time:

"Rosebud frozen peas. Full of country goodness and green peaness." - The Critic.

The Critic was a short-lived animated series where the main character, Jay Sherman, was voiced by Jon Lovitz. Jay wa a film critic and the series devoted most of its time parodying famous Hollywood figures and movies. The above quote was from an unaired Orson Welles commercial . It probably drew inspiration from this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utwLDgb3DSQ.

"There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea. Diarrhea Pocket!" - Jim Gaffigan

Jim Gaffigan is one of the funniest comedians around. He is hotter than Hansel right now.

"I was drunk in a bar. They threw me into pub-lic. I don't want to be drunk in pub-lic, I want to be drunk in a goddamn bar, which is perfectly legal... arrest them!"- Ron White.

I'm not a big fan of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, but this guy's funny.

Peter: Brian, look! My Alpha-Bits are sending me a message; it says "OOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios. - Family Guy

As hard as it is to select just one quote from Family Guy, I feel this one sums up much of the show's humor.

"The longest civic losing streak in North American major-league sports is now in jeopardy. The city of Cleveland last celebrated a major sports title on Dec. 27, 1964, when the Browns upset the Baltimore Colts in the National Football League championship game. In the more than four decades since, the Indians once took a lead into the bottom of the ninth inning of Game 7 of the World Series, while the Browns endured three of the more painful playoff losses in NFL history. But no major Cleveland professional team has won another championship. Those teams have played 123 combined seasons since the Browns' 1964 title, making Cleveland the hardest-luck sports town in the United States. On Sunday night in San Antonio, the Cavaliers lost Game 2 of the NBA finals and trails, 2-0, in the best-of-seven series. If Cleveland's streak is going to end this month, it will have to involve an upset as big as the Browns' victory over the Colts."
- David Leonhardt, on Cleveland's unenivable record, "IHT"

This quote does an almost perfect summary of how Cleveland sports fans have suffered over the years. If anything, I might say it doesn't describe in enough detail how painful those Browns and Indians losses were. I remember a deep state of depression after the 1997 Series loss, and I refuse to remember it to this day. It doesn't mention the underrated collapse of the Indians in the 1995 World Series or the painful playoff losses in 96, 98, 99, and 07 (the last one can be excused). And those Browns losses are historic. If you don't know much about football, but you recognize the name John Elway, the Cleveand Browns are the reason why. In a bad way.

"Here at the cross is the man who loves his enemies, the man whose righteousness is greater than that of the Pharisees, who being rich became poor, who gives his robe to those who took his cloak, who prays for those who despitefully use him. The cross is not a detour or hurdle on the way to the kingdom, nor is it even the way to the kingdom; it is the kingdom come." - John Howard Yoder, The Politics of Jesus

The finding of this quote was like discovering buried treasure. It concisely expressed ideas lurking in my conscience that surfaced upon reading. It also exposes many Christians for failing to understand what Jesus was talking about and for diminishing, warping, or ignoring what role the Cross plays. As greusome as it was, it was also beautiful and glorious. I only wish that there was something in the quote about the Resurrection.

"You don't have a Soul. You are a Soul. You have a body." - C.S. Lewis

"Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement." - C.S. Lewis

It's very hard to find a C.S. Lewis quote without just copying entire chapters of his writings. One of my favorite "quotes" is the last chapter of The Last Battle. Each of the main characters of the Narnia series discovers heaven and, for lack of a better explanation, the absence of the law of thermodynamics. Heaven is continuously increasing in its dimensions and intensity. It embodies all time ("This moment consists of all moments.") Not a single word is wasted in its description and its conversation. But to reproduce that here is incredibly cumbersome. That being said, the above two quotes represent more of my appreciation of concise, straight-forward writing sytle, than my appreciation for Lewis' theological insight. I may have to devote a post to that later.

"In order to become a Master at Hebrew, you must make at least 10,000 mistakes., maybe much more. So do not be discouraged, for every mistake I point out to you, you are that much closer to mastering the Hebrew language." - Fred Horton, my Intro to Hebrew teacher.

Never have truer words been spoken. Dr. Horton had figured out early on that when you make a mistake and learn why its a mistake and how to correct it, you will always remember that topic. However, if you do soemthing right all along by luck and never know why, you deprive yourself of the understanding of what you are doing.

"No. Xena is gender equity." - James Powell, my Greek teacher.

While there are many things Dr. Powell has said that reamin in my mind, this one makes me laugh the hardest. To fully appreciate the humor in this, you probably need to know Dr. Powell. He teaches Greek and Latin at Wake Forest and is a conservative, gentle, humble, and meek human being. He is the living incarnation of integrity, patience, polite human behavior, humility and service. He has dedicated his life to teaching students the classical educational values and has countlessly served the University in many capacities. To hear him respond to a student (without pause) and a pop culture topic (he doesn't own a TV) with such an opinionated, accurate, and witty statement had the entire class in tears after a semester of lectures on Greek Mythology. What added to this quote was his blank expressionless stare as he watched us laugh and the quiet shrug of his shoulder as he silently said "Well, it is."

"Ultimately, the discussion of what would happen had Adam not eaten the apple becomes pointless. God, simply, would have found a way to redeem Eve." - Ley Brown.

My high school english teacher sure had his moments. The above was stated in such a way that it actually made a teenager realize for a second that he doesn't know everything (then of course, the teenager went back to thinking that he did.) And yet, the statement is so remarkably simple. While volumes and volumes have been written about Adam's choice to take the apple from Eve and whether she bewitched him or whether he thought nothing of it (most plausible to me) or whether he intentionally ate of it to remain with Eve (both very plausible and very implausible), it is all meaningless to pursue past a certain degree. What is really going is the response of God to the fallen state of His creation. The focus shouldn't be on Adam's choice but on God's plan for those who eat the apple.

"Now that you have been delivered from the land of slavery, how do you want to act?" - Rick Downs.

Rick Downs is a Presbyterian pastor at Christ the King in Cambridge, MA. He was the pastor at Covenant Presbyterian Church in Winston-Salem, NC (where Wake Forest is). I heard Rick prech my freshmen year of college and it was his sermons that were one of two factors that convinced me to be a Religion major. I listen to Rick's weekly sermons via Christ the King's podcast on iTunes.

The above quote was stated at the outset of an eleven week course on the Ten Commandments. During the first week, Rick discussed the appropriate use of the law and gave the explanation behind Deutoronomy 5:6: "I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery." Deutoronomy 5:7-21 consist of the Ten Commandments. As Rick explained verse 6, he told a story about Martin Luther and how the purpose of the Law of God was not to give human beings a guide to becoming righteous on their own. Instead, it pointedly expresses 1)the inability of human beings to live up to the law, 2)our need for a Savior, 3)the character of God, and 4)how you can live a life that will provide benefit and wisdom. What is beautiful about verse 6 is that immediately before we get the Law of God, we get a statement about the grace of God. I will explore this in greater detail later; for now, I'll give you the story about Luther:

Martin Luther got into a debate with one of his students. Luther was discussing how he would recite the Ten Commandments every morning. Luther also stated he would not let the law "rule in his conscience." It can instruct his conscience, but it cannot rule there. One of his students stood up and yelled at him "you're saying that we can act any way we want to!" Luther said to him "Sure, that's exactly what I'm saying."

Now that you have been delivered from the land of slavery, how do you want to act?

-G