Alien Righteousness

2012-01-07T14:38:00.000-05:00

Batter my heart, three-person'd God ; for you

As yet but knock ; breathe, shine, and seek to mend ;

That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend

Your force, to break, blow, burn, and make me new.

I, like an usurp'd town, to another due,

Labour to admit you, but O, to no end.

Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,

But is captived, and proves weak or untrue.

Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,

But am betroth'd unto your enemy ;

Divorce me, untie, or break that knot again,

Take me to you, imprison me, for I,

Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,

Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

John Donne

Cleveland Sports

2010-02-04T22:32:00.001-05:00

I copied an e-mail from Bill Simmon's article re: Cleveland Sports. It's amazing anyone roots against us.

1969: Cuyahoga River catches fire.
1974: Ten Cent Beer Night.
1977: Indians sign Wayne Garland to a then-enormous 10-year, $2.3 million contract. He goes 28-48 before his arm falls off.
1980: Red Right 88.
1981: Lowest point of Ted Stepien era.
1982: World B. Free era begins, 23 wins guaranteed. In hindsight, this is akin to building a team around Ricky Davis.
1982: Indians trade John Denny to the Phillies for Wil Culmer, Jerry Reed and Roy Smith.
1983: John Denny wins NL Cy Young Award.
1984: Indians trade Rick Sutcliffe to Cubs. Sutcliffe goes 16-1 and wins NL Cy Young Award.
1986: The Drive.
1987: The Fumble.
1989: The Shot.
1989: "Major League" premieres in theaters. Producers insult Cleveland by filming baseball scenes in Milwaukee as Cleveland's Municipal Stadium is "too drab."
1992: MJ ends Cavs season again. Cavs become possibly the best NBA team to never reach the NBA Finals.
1993: Hurricane Andrew destroys Indians' brand-new $18 million spring training complex in Homestead, Fla.
1993: Steve Olin, Tim Crews die in spring-training boat crash.
1993: Indians are no-hit by one-[handed] pitcher Jim Abbott.
1994: Baseball strike ends Indians' first contending season in three decades.
1995: Art Modell moves Browns to Baltimore.
1995: First World Series appearance in 40 years ends in loss.
1997: Jose Mesa.
1998: Cavs sign "superstar" Shawn Kemp. He fathers a litter of children.
1999: Up 2-0 in ALDS, Pedro kicks the corpse of Cleveland fandom.
1999: USFL returns disguised as Browns expansion team.
2007: Up 3-1 in ALCS, Red Sox spit on grave of Cleveland fandom.
2009: Magic shock Cavs in Eastern Conference finals.
2009: Indians' back-to-back AL Cy Young winners, Cliff Lee and CC Sabathia, face off in Game 1 of World Series, neither pitching for Cleveland.
2010: LeBron leaves Cleveland, goes on to win multiple championships.

My lifetime: Three major sports, zero titles, one river on fire.
--Brad, Cleveland

Star Wars Dialogue Makes No Sense

2009-06-23T00:06:00.003-04:00

Fact: I am an average red-blooded American Male. I like football, car chases, electronic stuff, and the women in beer commercials.

Fact: As part of this heritage and due to my age/demographic (I don't really understand the word demographic) the original Star Wars movies had a large impact on me.

This past weekend, my wife was driving home from visiting her folks and I was busy cleaning and doing some file reorganization for my few (but valuable) clients. I decided I should put on all three Star Wars movies consecutively while I did some menial tasks. I am big into the consecutive trilogy watching. My wife took a business trip once and I watched all three Lord of the Rings extended versions (that's 11.5 hours of running time).

Anyway, it's a weird expierience to hear snippets of Star Wars dialogue now when I have the context of all six movies and some expanded universe knowledge (for more on Expanded Universe, please move into your parents basement or go here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_Wars_Expanded_Universe)

As I heard more and more snippets, I find myself thinking various thoughts such as "that's not right." or "why does that character say that when this happens 35 minutes later to prove it falsely.

Don't get me wrong, I am not talking bad about Star Wars. Ok, yes I am. I thought it would be a good idea to start a blog dissecting each line of dialogue in the three original movies and cite proof as to why they don't make any sense. I may do this soon.

As an example. In Star Wars (A New Hope, i.e. the 1977 movie), Obi Wan and Luke happen upon the Sandcrawler that sold Luke R2-D2 and C3-P0. Obi Wan makes the following comment: "These blast points - too accurate for Sandpeople. Only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise." Which is amazing, seeing as how Stromtroopers couldn't hit the ground for the rest of the triology.

Like I said, it makes no sense.

There's also the famous Kessel Run commetn about less than 12 parsecs: "You've never heard of the Millenium Falcon? It's the ship that made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs."

Unfortunately, I know that a parsec is a measurement of distance - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parsec

Thus, it is the equivalent of saying "You've never heard of Roger Bannister - He's the miler who ran a marathon in less than 26 miles."

Also, I want to invent power converters in the future. They are everywhere - big, small, they are on planets, in droids, in Starships and Death Stars.

Fun drinking game - watch Star Wars and drink every time you hear or see a Power Convertor. Maybe the dialogue will make sense then.

As for me, I was able to type a blog in less than 6 kilometers.

Just Quotes

2009-04-24T01:40:00.002-04:00

The Format for the favorite pics was all screwy, so I'll just post links to it this weekend.

Here are the Quotes:

"I may, I suppose, regard myself or pass for being a relatively successful man. People occasionally stare at me in the streets and that's fame. I can fairly easily earn enough to qualify for admission into the higher slopes of the England revenue and that's success [he paid high taxes]. Furnished with money and a little fame, even the elderly, if they care to, may partake of trendy diversions and that's pleasure. It might happen once in a while that something I said or wrote was sufficiently heeded for me to persuade myself that it represented a serious impact on our time and that's fulfillment. Yet I say to you, and I beg you to believe me! Multiply these tiny triumphs by a million, add them all together, and they are nothing! Less than nothing! A positive impediment measured against one draft of that living water Christ offers to the spiritually thirsty, irrespective of who or what they are. What, I ask myself, does life hold? What is there in the works of time, in the past, now, and to come, which could possibly be put in the balance of the refreshment of drinking that water?"

-Malcolm Muggeridge

"I submit that an individual who breaks a law that conscience tells him is unjust, and willingly accepts the penalty by staying in jail to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice, is in reality expressing the very highest respect for the law."

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

"When Christians are exposed to public insult, when they suffer and die for his sake, Christ takes on visible form in his Church. Here we see the divine image created anew through the power of Christ crucified." -Dietrich Bonhoeffer

"The real problem is not why some pious, humble, believing people suffer, but why some do not."

-C.S. Lewis

"Hope is not victory."

-J.R.R. Tolkien

"I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly."

-Steven Wright

"As I looked out a moment ago from the Reichstag, that embodiment of German unity, I noticed words crudely spray-painted upon the wall, perhaps by a young Berliner: "This wall will fall. Beliefs become reality." Yes, across Europe, this wall will fall. For it cannot withstand faith; it cannot withstand truth. The wall cannot withstand freedom."

-Ronald Reagan

[about renouncing Satan at his daughter's baptism] I wish I had sprouted devil wings and said, "I do not! I'll be baaaack!" and gone off to my mountain lair.

-Conan O'Brien

"There is no such thing as an impartial jury because there are no impartial people. There are people that argue on the web for hours about who their favorite character on "Friends" is. "

-Jon Stewart

"There is no promise more surely given, anywhere in the Bible, than that God will give the Spirit to those who ask."

-Archibald Alexander

"Pharisees couldn't stand him; but they found out they couldn't stop him. Pilate couldn't find any fault in him; the witnesses couldn't get their testimonies to agree. Herod couldn't kill him; Death couldn't handle him, and the grave couldn't hold him. He has always been and he always will be. He had no predecessor and he has no successor. There was nobody before him and there will be no one after him. You can't impeach him and he isn't going to resign."

-S.M. Lockridge

"Pastors are like manure. If you spread them out, they can do a good job of what they are supposed to be doing. But if you pile them all together, it's not a pretty picture."

-Rick Downs

"God is much more prone to be ready to forgive your sins than you are to believe he is."

-Can't find the source on this one.

"Following Adam's course, it is now not by obedience to the Word, but by twisting or suppressing God's Word that the upward ascent is attempted. Ignoring the Fall, this theology of glory is the revelation of the Law still ringing in the conscience with the false witness of the human agent answering back in self-confident autonomy, always trying to infer the inevitable verdict, thinking their original problem was merely shame rather than guilt, Adam and Eve covered themselves with loincloths. And ever since, we have found ourselves incapable, or rather unwilling, to accept the radical diagnosis of our own depravity. We can talk about the evil outside of us, the others, whomever they may be, evil places, forces, structures, and principles; but like the religious leaders whom Jesus challenged, we refuse to locate the evil in ourselves."

-Michael Horton

"The entire story of the Bible can be summed up by the words 'But God.'"

-Anon

And if you have the time, check out www.graphjam.com - hilarious.

How Did I Do?

2008-12-01T14:50:00.002-05:00

College Football Predicitions:

Conference - Predicition Reality Score
ACC - Wake/VT BC/VT 1/2
Big Ten - Ohio St. Penn St. 0/1
Big 12 - Oklahoma/Mizz. Okla./Mizz. 2/2
Pac-10 - USC USC 1/1
SEC - UGA/Aub. Ala./UF 0/2
Big East - WVU Cinncinnatti 0/1
Conf USA - ECU over Tulsa ECU/Tulsa 2/2
MAC - C.Mich/Miami Ball St./Buff. 0/2
Sun Belt - FAU Troy 0/1
WAC - Boise St. Boise St. 1/1

Nat'l Championship - Ohio St. (finally) over Georgia. yea, not going to be either of those two.

7/15 ain't too bad.

Too bad the Big 12 ended the way it did. If Texas had just beaten Texas Tech., then it would be much easier. Longhorn fans are so obnoxious.

Wake the Nation

2008-08-28T11:43:00.002-04:00

Wake Forest football begins tonight against the Baylor Bears. For the first time in school history, Wake is ranked in the preseason top 25 (#23 in both the AP and Coaches poll). They return a healthy dose of starters, one of the best kicker/punters in the nation, a strong expierienced defense, and an offense finding its groove. The media is in love with them and most are picking them to either outright win the ACC or finish second or third.

This is the first time I've been excited about WFU football since December 2007 (aka last season).

My picks for major conferences:

ACC - Wake over VT
Big Ten - Ohio St.
Big 12 - Oklahoma over Missouri
Pac-10 - USC
SEC - Georgia over Auburn
Big East - WVU
Conf USA - ECU over Tulsa
MAC - Cent. Michigan over Miami (OH)
Sun Belt - FAU
WAC - Boise St.

Nat'l Championship - Ohio St. (finally) over Georgia.

Movie Scores

2008-08-24T19:43:00.002-04:00

I'm not a huge music guy. My wife can hear three notes of a song, tell you what it is, who sang it, and what old song they sampled when they rewrote it. I could be listening to Thunder Road by Bruce Springsteen (my favorite song by my favorite musician) and not even know it.

When I took guitar lessons, I realized I had tapped out my skill when my teacher was instructing me on how to listen a song and learn to play it. He would strum on the guitar and say "see? this one is in the key of B." My blank expression was less than encouraging. I can read music, but when it comes to tonal recognition, I feel like Simple Jack.

Surprisingly, I can instantly recognize and am very cognizant of music in movies. And I don't mean when Linkin Park blares over some action montage with Vin Diesel. I am talking about how the music soars and is a strong element in what is visually happens on screen.

I should digress here to distinguish in my mind between soundtracks and scores. The instrumental orchestra that intertwines itself with the picture in the frame. This is a movie's score. The bands that play old or original songs that can be listened independently constitute soundtrack. While some soundtracks are good, I enjoy scores much more. I do appreciate innovative sue of soundtrack (Almost Famous), but they are few and far between. So, I've decided to compile a list of my favorite movie scores. I've organized it into several different categories. I wish I wasn savvy to include links to iTunes, but I'm not. I'm in the process of making an iMix of them, but I need to acquire a lot of the songs first.

My All Time Top 20 - These scores stand alone. I listen to them in the car, when I work, when I read. They could be modern classical themes, if they didn't first appear in a movie.

1. Sunshine.
2. Blood Diamond.
3. Gladiator.
4. Stardust.
5. Lord of the Rings.
6. The Last Samurai.
7. Apollo 13.
8. Rudy.
9. Legend of Bagger Vance.
10. Shawshank Redemption.
11. The Fountain.
12. Days of Thunder.
13. 13th Warrior.
14. Superman
15. Last of the Mohicans
16. Transformers
17. Pirates of the Caribbean
18. Crimson Tide
19. Lion King
20 Batman Begins.

Honorable Mention - 20th Century Fox Fanfare. For more than half of my life, I thought that this was part of the Star Wars score. For a long time, I only thought this fanfare preceeded yellow words in space. It gets a spot, because while it seems it is used sparingly, you know when you hear it, you're about to see a kick ass movie.

Top 10 that complete the movie. This is a list of scores so strong, they outshine parts of the movie. a good example is number 4 - Jaws. The Jaws theme is so scary, someone could play just that and you're terrified. Couple it with an underwater shot of a swimmer's legs, and you've got a summer blockbuster.

1. Superman. The first time I saw Superman, I was absolutely positive, when the fanfare hit during the title credits, the music said "SUPERMAN!" You know what I mean
2. The Passion of the Christ.
3. Sunshine.
4. Jaws.
5. Rocky.
6. Rudy.
7. Godfather.
8. Transformers.
9. Halloween.
10. Apollo 13.

Top 5 Horror Movies
1. Jaws
2. Halloween
3. The Omen.
4. The Ring.
5. Requiem for a Dream. I don't care what anyone says. That movie is a horror movie.

Classics (Pre 1975 film).
1. Ben-Hur
2. Laurence of Arabia.
3. Patton.
4. Magnificent Seven.
5. The Great Escape.

Hanz Zimmer
1. Gladiator
2. Days of Thunder.
3. Pirates of the Carribbean.
4. Lion King (I think he did part of this)
5. Crimson Tide
6. Batman Begins
7. I should probably just list every movie he's ever done.

Just parts of the score, not the entire collection
1. Mr. Holland's Opus
2. Empire of the Sun.
3. Somewhere in Time.
4. Iron Man.
5. Ocean's 11, 12, 13
6. All Three Bourne movies.
7. Kingdom of Heaven.
8. The Village.
9. 300
10. Top Gun
11. Kill Bill

Sci-Fi
1. Matrix Trilogy
2. Terminator
3. Transformers.
4. Armageddon.
5. Iron Giant.

John Williams. I didn't list a lot of his scores. He really is in a league of his own. His music is so iconic, it's hard group with others, as it has no equal. So I'll list my favroite John Williams themes.
1. Superman
2. Star Wars
3. Jaws
4. E.T.
5. Jurassic Park
6. Munich
7. Harry Potter

Honorable Mentions
Man on Fire
Spy Game
Batman
Children of Men
National Treasure
Dragonheart
Titanic
The Mummy
Unforgiven
A Beautiful Mind
Amistad
Schindler's List
Rambo
Platoon
Mr. Holland's Opus
Mortal Kombat
Starship Troopers
Hunt for Red October
The Natural
The Mission
Courage Under Fire
Da Vinci Code
Robin Hood Prince of Theives
The Rock
Braveheart
Black Hawk Down
The Terminal

Olympic Politics Humdrum

2008-08-23T10:26:00.002-04:00

I've enjoyed watching the Olympics this year for the first time since Atlanta in 96. Of course, that basically means I didn't like Sydney and Athens. One of my pet peeves about sports reporting is when sports writers try and use a long period of time to imply a period of success or domination. They use hyperbole to mask the fact that sometimes, things just don't happen every day.

For example: U.S. Athlete Clay first decathlete to win Olympic gold since 96! You think, wow, it's been 12 years, what happened to the US? Smarter people think, no kidding, there wasn't one in 2000 or 2004, there's been two chances!

Cleveland Indians Pitcher Cliff Lee wins 10th game - first time since 2004! Yeah, because he was injured for like 3 years, what do you expect?

Regardless, I am a definite Phelps Phan. It was very exciting to see him set a goal. The races were full of drama. Two unbelievable close finishes. It is always fascinating to me to see the answer to a long standing trivia question change. Michael Phelps hopefully will be the answer to many questions for years to come. What I am afraid of now is that his success will soon become the source of controversy.

My prediction a week ago was this: A US journalist will uncover the truth about the underage Chinese gymnasts. In retaliation, China will produce a positive drug test by Michael Phelps. I am not saying that Phelps is on drugs. But the Olympic testing facility is in Beijing. And we have seen affirmative proof that they faked their opening ceremonies, and most people are at least suspicious of the age of their gymnasts. Thus, if the US is seen as taking away their proud gold medal in gymnastics (which their girls team has been training for since they were 3, so like 7 years), China will attack in predictable fashion against the US golden boy.

And I don't mean China as all Chinese nationals. I mean the Chinese government. The Chinese people have been fascinating to watch in general. They cheer everything. They love US Basketball, fast swimming, rowing, you name it. At every event I see Chinese people cheering wildly for live sports in which they have no athletes. They mob a British reporter thinking he is Michael Phelps. It is odd to see such a gracious people ruled by such a rigid and incomprehensible government.

McCain vs. OBAMA - He picked Biden. Who will McCain pick? Maybe a pro-choice candidate. WHO CARES? Both candidates suck, but this is what I think: Bush and Putin conspired for Russia's recent actions to drive into the hearts of the American people that the next president needs to be strong in foreign policy - to get McCain elected. I have no proof, just a thought in my head.

Oscar List

2008-03-04T17:18:00.003-05:00

I haven't done a top ten movie thing in a while, so, since the Oscars were just last week, I'll give you my top 15 Oscar winners for Best Picture. Two conditions: 1. It had to win specifically for Best Picture. Not Best Screenplay, not Best Director, not nominated. Win. Best. Picture. 2. I had to have actually seen it. So, sorry if the English Patient deserves to be up here, but it will most likely never satisfy condition number 2.

First, let me list the ones I've seen:

All Quiet on the Western Front (1930)
Casablanca (1943)
On the Waterfront (1954)
The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)
Ben-Hur (1959, my mom's favorite movie)
West Side Story (1961)
Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
Oliver! (1968)
Patton (1970, my grandfather's favorite movie)
The Godfather, The Sting, The Godfather, Part II, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Rocky, and Annie Hall (1972-77)

Chariots of Fire (1981)
The Last Emporer (1987)
Rain Man (1988)
Dances With Wolves, The Silence of the Lambs, Unforgiven, Schindler's List, Forrest Gump, Braveheart (1990-95)

Titanic, Shakespeare in Love, American Beauty, Gladiator, A Beautiful Mind, Chicago, The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (1997-2003)

Crash, The Departed, No Country for Old Men (2005-08).

I think that's thirty-four of them. On with my top 15:

15. Patton - I very much want to believe that George C. Scott's portrayal was a tone down. If this guy was a four star general during WWII, it's amazing that we didn't conquer the world then. A very interesting look into the arrogance of our national identity. The music rocks, too.

14. Braveheart - Another good movie with music. I think the story is very inspiring, although somewhat historically inaccurate. I find it odd that it was nominated for best film editing even though there are five obivous instances of poor editing. Maybe the Oscars isn't the best judge of movie quality. I recently learned (and became disgusted with) how political the process is.

13. A Beautiful Mind - I always give very high points to films that can evoke the same emotion in the audience that the character is feeling (which is partly why I like Children of Men so much). Here, the audience feels the same betrayal and denial at film's big twist. The movie is not what you were expecting when you bought a ticket, and yet, it is still very very good. Ron Howard's second best film.

12. The Sting - the music in this movie sucks. It would probably be top five but for the fact that I feel like dancing the Charelston on a flag pole when I watch it. Robert Shaw is awesome, btw.

11. On the Waterfront - An excellent demonstration in how to build tension and emotion toward a climax. The story and film start off slow, but build rapidly to where you find yourself cheering. This is also where you might notice a lot of the movies I mention have almost cliche quotes. Every half assed actor can give you his or her best Brando from this movie.

10. Ben-Hur - I also like epic movies. This movie is a little complicated to sum up in one paragraph. It has an intermission. The chariot race still sets the bar pretty high.

9. The Godfather, Part II - Part of me doesn't see how anybody could think that Part II is better than Part I. So without looking ahead, I'll say that this is almost the perfect movie. And it would be if it wasn't the sequel to a perfect movie.

8. No Country for Old Men - Notable on this list for it's almost complete absence of musical score. The acting is perfect, the dialogue is amazing, and the storytelling is at an elevated level. You don't need to see an exact shot to know what happened. Many people don't like the ending, but I think if they understand Tommy Lee Jones' character, they would appreciate the movie a little more.

7. Rocky - More recognizable music and quotes. It's very weird how artistically talented Sly was earlier in his career (I think First Blood is quite good), but now he has found himself on the business end of the movie industry.

6. Schindler's List - The first time I saw this movie, I simply sat and thought for thirty minutes.

5. Gladiator - One of my favorite movie scores of all time. I think most of it was copied from The Planets. Yeah, it's a great action movie, but it's really about the emotional journey the hero takes. I also like movies where the death of the character is pretty much revealed at the beginning, but somehow you are still shocked when it happens.

4. Casablanca - I was amazed when I watched this movie that I recognized probably 75% of the quotes without knowing it. A truly great love story, and very enjoyable.

3. Lord of the Rings: Return of the King - The epic of all epic movies. There will never be anything like this seen again on film. Music is fantastic. I still get cheers when Rohan shows up to save the day.

2. Unforgiven - I didn't really like Unforgiven at first. I thought it was really boring. But there are few moments on film better than when Clint walks into the bar at the end, caring not about his death, and sadly realizing he will never find redemption.

1. The Godfather - I think it's the perfect movie (although it comes in at no.2 on my all time favorites). The music, the acting, the dialogue, the quotability, the plot, the pacing, everything perfectly comes together. Michael's slow descent into becoming the Godfather is wretchingly sad to watch. Over three hours we see him go from "That's my family, Kay, not me." to "don't ask me about my business, Kay." Sometimes, running halfway around the world isn't enough to escape those who seek to do you harm.

That being said, I give this movie the slight edge to GFPII because it is a little more iconic and the journey into evil is a little more eloquent. GF portrays Michael as an innocent war hero descending into a mob boss who kills all his rivals. GFPII shows the same Michael as a mob boss trying to escape who ends up killing his brother. I think the descent covers more ground in GF, but I understand that people differ on that point. I will briefly mention GFIII here only for the amazing scene Michael has with the Priest. Seeking redemption for all his past sins, Michael realizes forgivness will not come from God because he cannot forgive a) others, or b) himself. Plus, GFPII doesn't have crazy wife beating James Caan, and that's always going to give a movie the edge.

-G

Hey, that was a math joke, buddy

2008-02-20T16:25:00.002-05:00

I read this day and thoguht it was the funniest thing I'd read in a long time:

There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those that understand binary and those that do not.

Hilarious.

Oh yeah, the Super Bowl

2008-02-08T16:52:00.000-05:00

I planned on watching the Super Bowl simply for the commercials. I had no love for either team, and I must admit to some dislike for both. While I wanted the Giants to beat the evil Patriots, I wasn't happy about rooting for them. As the game progressed, however, I slowly became more and more invested in the game. And it turned into one of the best of all time. During the entire fourth quarter, I simply sat in front of the tv saying "Oh my God. Oh my God! OH MY GOD!" Amazing. Looking back, here are my top 5 Super Bowls:

1. Tennessee vs. St. Louis (I'm too lazy to look up numbers). The Tackle. This game is living proof that in sports, yes, one yard does matter, yes one inch does matter, yes one step does matter, yes fundamentals do matter, yes one second matters, yes you play the game for four quarters. If you ever need to feel excited about something, find Jeff Fisher's fourth quarter speech to the Titans. It will send chill's down your spine as your watch the comeback.

2. New York vs. New England. The Catch II? Is that what we are calling Eli's un freaking believable scramble and the catch against the helmet? Eli, welcome to greatness. As an aside, I will say that Brady has a small arsenal stored off his right shoulder. When he threw that Hail Mary to Moss, he rolled out to the right side, threw it 75 yards IN THE AIR ACROSS THE FIELD. That's like 100 yards straight up. And that's like, the length of the field. He can't wear long sleeves, it's carrying a concealed weapon. Dude's got guns.

3. New York vs. Buffalo. How much of an impact did this Super Bowl have? Find someone from Buffalo. Say Scott Norwood. Watch them cry.

4. Denver vs. Green Bay. Elway's scramble in the fourth where he got helicoptered around. That game was a great back and forth between two great QBs. Every play was fantastic to watch. And I love the difficult decision at the end. Do you let Denver score the TD to give yourself enough time to get the ball back? Or do you fight and claw to stop them?

5. I guess New York vs. Baltimore. Without the guarantee, this game is not as great. I wasn't even alive. But I can't think of another one. Maybe San Fran v. Cincinatti. Yeah, that's better. My favorite QB of all time. Screw Joe Namath.

I thought the commercials were average. My top 5:

1. Stewie and Underdog fighting over the Coke.

2. The Doritos with the big mouse.

3. The Pepsi commercial with Night at the Roxbury music.

4. Charles Barkley and Dwayne Wade.

5. JT and Pepsi.

The worst:

1. The Doritos one with the singer.

2. Bud's clydesdale.

3. the effing talking baby ones. i hate crap like that. why do people love those?

4. Go Daddy. Yes Danica Patrick is hot, but that commerical was so lame.

5. The geckos and the vitamin water and Thriller. Just stupid.

-G

Lost, Cycle of the Internet

2008-02-01T12:09:00.001-05:00

This didn't post for some reason:

So Lost returned last night. I'm kind of over this show. I need forward progression.

About a year ago, I thought about blogging about my cycle of the Internet. I finally got around to it. [Bravo.]

My day starts like this. Open IE. look at jokes on iGoogle. Then go to my fantasy baseball/football page.

Cracked.com - top 10 list for that day. Gmail. Yesbutnobutyes.com. Somethingawful.com ESPN - MLB, NFL, Page 2. ClevelandIndains.com. Movies.com. Facebook. DTGuilds.com - Random Picture Thread. Wikipedia. IMDB. Blogs. Tennessean.com. MSNBC.

Every now and then I'll throw in a 4chan, MySpace, hotmail, or a few other sites.

I repeat this least 18 times a day.

In law school, I had a friend who saved all his Internet for Wills and Trusts.

-G

Pitchers and Catchers Report

2008-01-29T10:54:00.000-05:00

3 weeks until pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training. Thank good. We are about to enter the longest part of the year - February (also the shortest month. Weird.). I don't know why Feb. is so bad, but hearing the countdown to pitchers and catchers always makes me happy.

In other baseball off season news, here is an awesome quote from Peter Gammons' ESPN blog about the Indians:

"This winter's quiet, with all that is in place to repeat as the winningest team in baseball, is testament to all the work the Indians have done the previous seven years."

With all the hype surrounding the Tigers monster free agent moves, there is growing concern in Cleveland that the lack of counter moves is unwise. Not so, The Indians have made 100% more wise moves than the Tigers, at a tenth of the expense, stretched over the last seven years. Start comparing those offseason moves and see how you feel about 2008. or 2009. Let me put it this way: below is the roster of a team that tied for first in the Majors in record, beat the Yankees at home in October and sent them packing, and had the eventual World Series winner a game away from elimination:

Pos. Name Year when current contract expires
C – Victor Martinez (2010)
1b – Ryan Garko (2012)
2b – Asdrubal Cabrera (2013)
SS – Jhonny Peralta (2011)
3b – Casey Blake (2008) (and he batted 9th)
OF – Grady Sizemore (2012)
OF – Franklin Guiterrez (2012)
DH – Travis Hafner (2013)

SP – CC Sabathia (2008, but supposedly we’re renegotiating to extend his contract. It’s “our first off season priority.”)
SP – Francisco Carmona (2013)
SP – Jake Westbrook (2010)
SP – Paul Byrd (we did exercise an option on him to bring him back)
SP – We have four potential candidates (Cliff Lee, Jeremy Sowers, Aaron Laffey, and Adam Miller (AAA prospect))

RP – Rafael Bentancourt (2009)
RP – Jensen Lewis (2013)
RP – Rafael Perez (2012)
RP – Joe Borowski (exercised club option on him)
RP – Aaron Fultz (exercised club option on him)
RP – Tom Mastny (FA, he’s pretty much a lock until someone like the cubs offer him a huge contract)

FA’s – Kenny Lofton, Trot Nixon (I'm sad to lose Kenny, but David Delucci is back from the dead

Backups – C Kelly Shoppach (contract up), 2b Josh Bard (contract up), Jason Michaels (2008)

So yeah, a team that was one game from the World Series returns at least 8/9 of the lineup, at least 4/5 of the rotation (with the 5th starter already being an Indian, just not a regluar rotation pitcher), and all but one or two of the bullpen. That’s a worst case scenario of losing three players before spring training.

Tribe in '08. And '09. And '10 . . .

In other news, I just returned from a law seminar in Vegas. I didn't gamble at all. I'm probably the most boring person to ever visit that city. The food was amazing though. First night, we ate at a French Steakhouse with the best Ribeye I have ever had. It came sizzling over small baked potatoes, creamed spinach, and sliced mushrooms. For an app, I hada Ceasar salad shaped like a crown.

Second night, I ate at an Italian restaurant. I had prosciutto with grilled pita bread and sliced mozzarella. For dinner I had Chicken Parmesean. The chicken was amazingly tender because it was the the thigh. Last night there, we ate at Wolfgang's Puck restaurant and I had Duck Confit and 13-layer tiramisu. Gourmet all over the place. Even the sandwich shops were unbelievable. For lunch, 3 colleagues and I got an appetizer sampler from the local cafe. it came with Buffalo Chicken Tenders, Spinach Dip, Spring Rools, Chicken Taquitos, Shrimp Rolls, and Potstickers. It was amazing.

One note about Vegas, it's somewhat interesting that no matter how nice and luxurious the hotel rooms, lobby, shops, restaurants all look, the casino always looks sad and despressing. I'm not adverse to gambling, I just get sad when I see people invested in the casino with all their hopes and with more than they can afford.

I'm a big believer in statistics and math when it comes to gambling. For example, the pay out on rolling a hard 12 (6 on both dice) in craps is 30:1 (bet $1 and you get 30 back). yet, the odds on actually rolling a hard 12 is 1:36. Thus, in 36 rolls, you will roll it 1 time. Thus, if you bet $1 on 36 consecutive rolls to hit a hard 12, you would hit it once for a payout fo $30 (and profit of $29), and lose 35 other times for a total cost of $35. Thus, you just spent $6 to roll dice thirty six times.

Now expand that notion to every casino game (except poker) - Blackjack, Pai Gow, Roulette, etc. You have the same odds working against you. In the long run, you are slowly losing money because the casino is not giving you even money on some edge bets.

Thus, my attitude towards those table games is that I sit down with the same amount of money I don't mind spending at a bar for a long night out (e.g. $100). If I can make that amount of money last until it's gone and I've gotten enough free drinks and had a lot of fun with friends for 3 or more hours, I was successful. To me, there is little difference in doing that compared to sitting in a noisy club for three hours, getting six drinks and paying 100 bucks for alcohol, cover, tip, and food.

Above I mentioned that poker is different (and it is) because you can actually control the odds so you are only putting money up when you get a bigger payout. For example, using the craps hypothetical above, what if the payout wa 100:1? or 50:1? or 37:1? or 36.1:1? Then you'd be foolish NOT to bet on that. If the payout was 37:1, then in 36 attempts, you would make 37 dollars, and pay 35 dollars. That's a total of 2 dollars, or roughly 5 cents a roll. You are make five cents every time someone rolls the dice.

First dice rolling question: What if someone offered the following job - I'll pay you five cents every time you roll these two dice, no matter what comes up? Would you take it? Assuming you roll once a second, how much money is that an hour? Answer below.

Second dice rolling question: Go back to the craps example where it pays 30:1 on a hard 12. If you take this bet and the dice are rolled once a second, how much money do you lose?

That's how it is in poker. Sometimes. In the simplest sense, you call a bet only when the pot pays you back larger than the odds that your hand is good. For example, let's say the odds of hitting a flush (which will surely win) are 1:4. Let's say the betting structure of the game is such that every bet is 1$. An opponent bets before you get your card on your 1:4 odds and the pot is 3 dollars. Do you call? What if the pot is $1,000? $100? $5?

To sum it up another way "I have never seen a rich gambler or a poor casino owner." Casinos can be fun, but they can also be sad depending on who you see at the tables. Sometimes it's people, who in reality are paying a small fee to sit and drink and smoke, throwing more money than they can afford into a system with a negative return.

*Answer to first dice question: if you get paid 5 cents a roll and roll it once a second, you make $180 an hour, $1,440 in an 8 hour work day, $57,600 in a 40 hour work week, and $2,880,000 in a 50 week work year. I would totally take that job, as long as they provided medical coverage for my carpal tunnel.

*Answer to second dice question: if you get paid 30:1 and roll the dice once a second, you lose $612 an hour, $4,896 in an 8 hour work day, $195,840 in a week, and $9,792,000 in a year. Sorry if you liked playing craps. But this is why casinos are in awesome and expensive hotels (most of the time).

Quotient Quotables

2008-01-14T10:24:00.000-05:00

Update: I've edited and added some content.

I know one person who will find the title of this post funny, my friend Chad. Too bad he doesn't read my blog. One of my weird interests is the appreciation of quotes. I don't really collect them becauese a) it's near impossible, and b) the only thing I collect are shotglasses.

Nevertheless, I wanted to assemble some of my favorite quotes and discuss why I like some of them:

One of the funniest quotes of all time:

"Rosebud frozen peas. Full of country goodness and green peaness." - The Critic.

The Critic was a short-lived animated series where the main character, Jay Sherman, was voiced by Jon Lovitz. Jay wa a film critic and the series devoted most of its time parodying famous Hollywood figures and movies. The above quote was from an unaired Orson Welles commercial . It probably drew inspiration from this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utwLDgb3DSQ.

"There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea. Diarrhea Pocket!" - Jim Gaffigan

Jim Gaffigan is one of the funniest comedians around. He is hotter than Hansel right now.

"I was drunk in a bar. They threw me into pub-lic. I don't want to be drunk in pub-lic, I want to be drunk in a goddamn bar, which is perfectly legal... arrest them!"- Ron White.

I'm not a big fan of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, but this guy's funny.

Peter: Brian, look! My Alpha-Bits are sending me a message; it says "OOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios. - Family Guy

As hard as it is to select just one quote from Family Guy, I feel this one sums up much of the show's humor.

"The longest civic losing streak in North American major-league sports is now in jeopardy. The city of Cleveland last celebrated a major sports title on Dec. 27, 1964, when the Browns upset the Baltimore Colts in the National Football League championship game. In the more than four decades since, the Indians once took a lead into the bottom of the ninth inning of Game 7 of the World Series, while the Browns endured three of the more painful playoff losses in NFL history. But no major Cleveland professional team has won another championship. Those teams have played 123 combined seasons since the Browns' 1964 title, making Cleveland the hardest-luck sports town in the United States. On Sunday night in San Antonio, the Cavaliers lost Game 2 of the NBA finals and trails, 2-0, in the best-of-seven series. If Cleveland's streak is going to end this month, it will have to involve an upset as big as the Browns' victory over the Colts."
- David Leonhardt, on Cleveland's unenivable record, "IHT"

This quote does an almost perfect summary of how Cleveland sports fans have suffered over the years. If anything, I might say it doesn't describe in enough detail how painful those Browns and Indians losses were. I remember a deep state of depression after the 1997 Series loss, and I refuse to remember it to this day. It doesn't mention the underrated collapse of the Indians in the 1995 World Series or the painful playoff losses in 96, 98, 99, and 07 (the last one can be excused). And those Browns losses are historic. If you don't know much about football, but you recognize the name John Elway, the Cleveand Browns are the reason why. In a bad way.

"Here at the cross is the man who loves his enemies, the man whose righteousness is greater than that of the Pharisees, who being rich became poor, who gives his robe to those who took his cloak, who prays for those who despitefully use him. The cross is not a detour or hurdle on the way to the kingdom, nor is it even the way to the kingdom; it is the kingdom come." - John Howard Yoder, The Politics of Jesus

The finding of this quote was like discovering buried treasure. It concisely expressed ideas lurking in my conscience that surfaced upon reading. It also exposes many Christians for failing to understand what Jesus was talking about and for diminishing, warping, or ignoring what role the Cross plays. As greusome as it was, it was also beautiful and glorious. I only wish that there was something in the quote about the Resurrection.

"You don't have a Soul. You are a Soul. You have a body." - C.S. Lewis

"Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement." - C.S. Lewis

It's very hard to find a C.S. Lewis quote without just copying entire chapters of his writings. One of my favorite "quotes" is the last chapter of The Last Battle. Each of the main characters of the Narnia series discovers heaven and, for lack of a better explanation, the absence of the law of thermodynamics. Heaven is continuously increasing in its dimensions and intensity. It embodies all time ("This moment consists of all moments.") Not a single word is wasted in its description and its conversation. But to reproduce that here is incredibly cumbersome. That being said, the above two quotes represent more of my appreciation of concise, straight-forward writing sytle, than my appreciation for Lewis' theological insight. I may have to devote a post to that later.

"In order to become a Master at Hebrew, you must make at least 10,000 mistakes., maybe much more. So do not be discouraged, for every mistake I point out to you, you are that much closer to mastering the Hebrew language." - Fred Horton, my Intro to Hebrew teacher.

Never have truer words been spoken. Dr. Horton had figured out early on that when you make a mistake and learn why its a mistake and how to correct it, you will always remember that topic. However, if you do soemthing right all along by luck and never know why, you deprive yourself of the understanding of what you are doing.

"No. Xena is gender equity." - James Powell, my Greek teacher.

While there are many things Dr. Powell has said that reamin in my mind, this one makes me laugh the hardest. To fully appreciate the humor in this, you probably need to know Dr. Powell. He teaches Greek and Latin at Wake Forest and is a conservative, gentle, humble, and meek human being. He is the living incarnation of integrity, patience, polite human behavior, humility and service. He has dedicated his life to teaching students the classical educational values and has countlessly served the University in many capacities. To hear him respond to a student (without pause) and a pop culture topic (he doesn't own a TV) with such an opinionated, accurate, and witty statement had the entire class in tears after a semester of lectures on Greek Mythology. What added to this quote was his blank expressionless stare as he watched us laugh and the quiet shrug of his shoulder as he silently said "Well, it is."

"Ultimately, the discussion of what would happen had Adam not eaten the apple becomes pointless. God, simply, would have found a way to redeem Eve." - Ley Brown.

My high school english teacher sure had his moments. The above was stated in such a way that it actually made a teenager realize for a second that he doesn't know everything (then of course, the teenager went back to thinking that he did.) And yet, the statement is so remarkably simple. While volumes and volumes have been written about Adam's choice to take the apple from Eve and whether she bewitched him or whether he thought nothing of it (most plausible to me) or whether he intentionally ate of it to remain with Eve (both very plausible and very implausible), it is all meaningless to pursue past a certain degree. What is really going is the response of God to the fallen state of His creation. The focus shouldn't be on Adam's choice but on God's plan for those who eat the apple.

"Now that you have been delivered from the land of slavery, how do you want to act?" - Rick Downs.

Rick Downs is a Presbyterian pastor at Christ the King in Cambridge, MA. He was the pastor at Covenant Presbyterian Church in Winston-Salem, NC (where Wake Forest is). I heard Rick prech my freshmen year of college and it was his sermons that were one of two factors that convinced me to be a Religion major. I listen to Rick's weekly sermons via Christ the King's podcast on iTunes.

The above quote was stated at the outset of an eleven week course on the Ten Commandments. During the first week, Rick discussed the appropriate use of the law and gave the explanation behind Deutoronomy 5:6: "I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery." Deutoronomy 5:7-21 consist of the Ten Commandments. As Rick explained verse 6, he told a story about Martin Luther and how the purpose of the Law of God was not to give human beings a guide to becoming righteous on their own. Instead, it pointedly expresses 1)the inability of human beings to live up to the law, 2)our need for a Savior, 3)the character of God, and 4)how you can live a life that will provide benefit and wisdom. What is beautiful about verse 6 is that immediately before we get the Law of God, we get a statement about the grace of God. I will explore this in greater detail later; for now, I'll give you the story about Luther:

Martin Luther got into a debate with one of his students. Luther was discussing how he would recite the Ten Commandments every morning. Luther also stated he would not let the law "rule in his conscience." It can instruct his conscience, but it cannot rule there. One of his students stood up and yelled at him "you're saying that we can act any way we want to!" Luther said to him "Sure, that's exactly what I'm saying."

Now that you have been delivered from the land of slavery, how do you want to act?

-G

Don't look now, but I'm on a hot streak

2008-01-11T16:55:00.000-05:00

My second post in two days. Hoo - ray. The following is about football. If you don't care about football, I recommend skipping to the words in bold.

Four awesome NFL games are on this weekend. I'm picking Pats, Colts, Giants and Packers. My Titans lost to the Chargers last week in a hard fought battle. Jeff Fisher truly is a great coach. His team suffers numerous injuries, but he has the coached enough to come out looking stellar. If three plays are different in that game, the Titans win:

1. the Vince Young scramble right on the first drive. This was a busted pass play. If it had been a designed run, VY would have either gotten the first or scored a TD.

2. Lendale White's fumble. Great hit, bad luck on the bounce, if we recover, we score another TD.

3. Vincent Jackson's first long catch. DB slipped and moved the wrong way. if Jackson doesn't catch it, we're up by 17 and frusturating their entire offense.

Oh well, I'm still very satisfied with the way their season ended. With Wake Forest, too. Jim Grobe had me scared for a minute when I thought he was leaving to go to Arkansas. They showed tremendous resolve in the bowl game. Hopefully they will just get better and better with each year. I'd like to see them win another ACC Championship in my life time.

Onto the NFL games. Everyone in the country is being trendy and picking the Jags. Uh, the Pats went 16-0. yes, they did not look good in recent weeks. yes, the jags have a good team. But there's now way Belicheck lets his team go 16-0 and then doesn't make it to the AFC Champsionship game. And secretly you know that for the 16-0 to be validated, the Pats and Colts have to meet in the playoffs.

Colts. They are healthy right now. A few weeks ago, Bill Simmons went on one of his Boston hoser rants about blah blah blah Patriots, blah blah blah and someone called him on it and said "you've got an unstoppable juggernaut offensive team with a weak def against the run (Pats) vs. a good balanced team who quietly struggled becasue of injuries but is now peaking (Colts). Sound familiar?" You bet it does, look at Pats v. Colts in 03/04. The Colts may be better in this year's playoffs than they were in last years.

Packers. I do not have any confidence in the Seahawks. Yes, Matt Hasselback is good and has had a good year, and yes the defense is very quick and very good, but it's hard for me to pick a team with a bad running game. Shaun Alexander doesn't fight for yards. I can't name one receiver on the Seahawks (Darrell Jackson??? i think he left). And the Packers offense looks like it did in the 96-98 years.

Giants. I can't pick all the number one seeds, one of them has to lose. We have two forces here that may collide. TO's absence and Jessica Simpson. TO has a high ankle sprain (as opposed to a low anke sprain, of which I have never heard). Although TO has shown remarkable recovery from injury for the playoffs before (see '05 Super Bowl with Eagles), I don't think he will be able to help. And they mailed in the season finale against a hated rival. Combine that with Jessica Simpson. She's dating Tony! and like, ohmigawd, they totally went to Mexico for a week because Tony needed to get away from pressure and Jess was all ike oo baby i love you so much and he said ya im into you too and she was all like wutz chicken of the sea and he was all like your my chicken of the sea isntthatsocoolomigodtheyregoingotgetmarriedmarriedmarried.

And that is why I'm picking the Giants.

-G

Not Even The Illusion of Effort

2008-01-10T22:20:00.000-05:00

New Year's Resolutions are awesome. I make them every year. I break them every January 4th. In the past, my resolutions have been to keep a journal, read the Daily Bible or just work my way through it, read CS Lewis Daily Readings, workout, lose weight, gain weight, blah blah blah. Additionally, I abandon those resolutions on January 4 of every year, and abandon the illusion that I will pick it up again on January 10.

Don't believe me? In my parents attic I have four Mead journals dated 1/1 - 1/3 for 1997-2000. I've read Genesis 9 times. At least last year I joined a gym. In May.

What were my resolutions this year: Read Daily Bible (haven't taken it off the shelf). Blog more (try for once a day), stick to my workout schedule, and pray more. How am I doing? well, i didn't blog for 9 days (and really, like 60 days before that, sorry, I missed you, too.) I've driven past another gym I don't belong to when I picked up dinner the other night, and let's just all agree that I always need to pray more.

What am I surprised by? This year, I put no illusion of effort. I literally woke up on January 1 and said, "f**k it. I'll start it before January ends, but I'm reprioritizing everything. Number one, pray more. The rest should probably follow."

So here we are on Jan 10, or Abandon Fruitless Efforts Day on my calendar. And I'm blogging. Part of the reason for me to read stuff daily this year was to fill my blogs with substance. In that perspective, what have I frequently filled my day with that can provide sustenance to my blog? I've watched three episodes of Rome. That's more or less it. It's really good.

[Well done, Greg.]

-G

Alpha and Omega

2007-11-05T11:21:00.000-05:00

In a very weird occurrence, my 2008 golf season ended the same way it began. Literally. I walked the same course, played with 2 of the same people, shot the same score, and grew more and more disgusted about the same problems in my game.

I was fortunate to play with my brother-in-law who is a phenomenal mental golfer. He played "awful" and shot an 85. I haven't broken 90 in almost three years. His drive fades a tad to the right putting a tree between him and the green (he's still in the fairway) and he says "Crap, now I'll have to hook a 3-iron between to trees and avoid the sand trap." Meanwhile, my drive almost hit a passing car 250 yards away. To the left. Of the out of bounds stake. Which is 150 yards left. of the fairway. Which doglegs right. I am actually further away from the hole than when I was on the tee box.

Regardless of my inability to slow down my swing, which every single person who's ever seen me play recommends I do, I still enjoy golf greatly. I won the longest drive at a tournament earlier. I finished 3 feet short of the prize at the same tournament last year. This year's winner was a 345 yard blast, that had a slightly left trajectory rolled into the rough and then back out into the fairway. I had the longest drive out of 245 golfers. I won a piece of paper that said "Longest Drive" on it. I really just wanted gas money.

Anyway, my brother-in-law had mentioned during our round that he read my blog, but was curious as to why I named it "Alien Resurrection." That was a pretty lame Alien movie. I laughed hard and told him that was a much better name thatn what it actually was. I could have named it Alien Resurrection and devoted the entire blog to disappointing movie sequels. It would have been immensely more interesting. My first posts could have been about Matrix 3, Temple of Doom, Star Wars Prequels, The Mask 2, Batman Returns.... The list just goes on.

Speaking of movies, my list is growing exponentially re: holiday movies I want to see in the theatre. I've heard American Gangster is phenomenal. I am anxious to see that, Sweeney Todd, Lions for Lambs, No Country for Old Men, Beowulf, Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium, The Golden Compass, I Am Legend, National Treasure 2, and Charlie Wilson's War.

I took an Intro to Film class in college. One of the most interesting topics we discussed was the Triangle of Movie Making (a loose term). It discussed how movies inevitably dealth with three aspects: business, technology, and art. Any movie could easily be controlled by just one aspect at the expense of the others. For example:

Business - Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and 3
Technology - Star Wars Prequels
Art - Good Night, Good Luck

A moderately successful movie will emphasize two of the three aspects. A movie that can somehow combine all three is something truly special: Gladiator, Empire Strikes Back, The Matrix, The Godfather Part II, etc.

I had a smiliar concept to this before I took the class, where I distinguished between movies, film, and cinema. To me, a movie was something that was enjoyable to watch, whether eating popcorn, or to get a good laugh, or to escape from the dullness of everyday life for 90 minutes. A film was something that cared about preaching or being an artistic message of the director conveyed through a moving camera. Cinema was the enjoyable experience of watching the two blend together.

I hope there is much cinema on my holiday list above, and not any movies or films. There is little else I enjoy more than slipping away into a movie theater for 2 hours. The rest of the world fades away and I can be entertained amongst strangers who will laugh and cry with me while we are told a story out of (more or less) an expensive illustrated picture book.

-G

Halloween

2007-10-31T22:19:00.000-04:00

Halloween is my wife's favorite holiday. She loves the decorations, the pumpkin carving, the candy, the movies, the tv shows, anything Halloween. She talks about Halloween all year and she looks forward to it all the time. She has already described in specific detail how our house will be decorated on Halloween for the kids to come Trick or Treating (right now we live in a condo on the second floor). We are going to be the Chevy Chase house of Halloween. Thus, today she was bubbling over with excitement.

She is also an amazing pumpkin carver (I think). I, on the other hand, lack minute motor skills. I could never do models, my two-year old nephews both have better handwriting than me, and I could never do anything crafty. Thus, it amazes me that she can envision a pumpkin face, draw the outline, and carve it out. In the past, she's done a Demon Deacon and the Tennessee Titan logo. I tried to no avail to a request of a Chief Wahoo pumpkin granted(she said she would do Chief Wahoo next year if the Indians did better. She's also sassy.).

This year, she decided on Hello Kitty. Some background: she has lamented the fact numerous times that she never had any Hello Kitty school supplies when she was little. She would beg and beg her mom to get a Hello Kitty eraser or a Hello Kitty lunchbox. She was eternally denied. Thus, through laborious effort, I am proud to present my wife's very first piece of Hello Kitty merchandise:

In other Halloween news, I was the only person from my office to dress up and go to work. My costume consisted of a Travis Hafner jersey and my Cleveland Indians baseball hat along with my baseball mitt. I got a reese's cup and a blow pop from two co-workers. I was also made fun of about [800] times. Whatever, [people at my next job will appreciate Halloween more and make it a fun day at the office]. [Just kidding, boss].

Since I have made it four entire paragraphs with out continuing my torrid love affair with lists, here are my top 5 horror/Halloween movies of all time:

5. Blair Witch Project. Yes, I know it's terrible. The last 15 seconds, however, make the movie. When she goes down in the cellar and sees the guy standing in the corner and gets knocked over, and the camera cuts off. The reason it's so terrifying is that I can think of half a million things that knocked her over which are infinitely more scary than anything Hollywood suits can dream up.

4. The Omen. Kids are scary. Kids in suits are scary. Kids who don't talk are scary. Combine them all and you have one messed up movie. Especially since the movie is somewhat ambiguous as to whether Damien is the Anti-Christ or whether everyone was delusional. That Satanic Nanny also freaks me out.

3. Candyman. I have a friend who can do a perfect Candyman impression. Every now and then he'll just go "I hear you're looking for Candyman, bitch." It's half funny, half-terrifying. I've never been able to watch Tony Todd in any other movie and not think of him in that movie. Also, the entire scene in the parking garage is scary because in general, parking garages are scary. There is a new movie about a girl who gets trapped in a parking garage and gets terrorized. [Can't wait].

2. Halloween. Have you ever watched a movie that is so slow you start getting bored and right as you reach for the remote to turn it off, something so completely awesome happens that do a 180 and are so grateful for the slow pacing because it made the climax all the more better? This is how I feel about Halloween. For 86 minutes the movie drags on and on and on and on and we get Michael Meyers killing random people and Dr. Loomis arguing with a small town sheriff on a stake out. Then, Jamie Lee Curtis discovers the dead bodies, Meyers pops out and comes after her and she runs out of the house. The music starts going and all of the sudden you are wishing to return to the saftey of the slow pacing because for the next 10 minutes, it's non-stop intensity.

1. When a Stranger Calls/When a Stranger Calls Back. To this day, when I am at my parent's house alone and the phone rings, I still think there is someone upstairs calling from inside the house. 14 years later, and the original and the sequel still scare me half to death. The sequel deserves to be up there because of the babysitter in the beginning and because of the ending. I won't spoil it, but man, it makes your heart skip a beat.

You know what movie doesn't scare me? The Exorcist. I don't know, I don't get scared by that movie. If anything, I think it's too tame in its treatment of what a demon would be like. I also didn't see it until I was past impressionable age (I was 19 I think) so maybe I had steeled myself by then. Or maybe it's just not scary.

Actually, let me retract that statement. When I as 19, I saw the original version. Not scary. But it is a good movie. So when DVDs first came out, I bought The Exorcist: The Version You've Never Seen. The director did little to change the movie except splice subliminal faces of the demon in between scenes. And it's scary as hell.

-G

First Post

2007-10-30T20:22:00.001-04:00

Welcome to my blog, Alien Righteousness. Since this is my first post, I'd thought I'd introduce myself to the blogosphere:

Hi, I'm Greg.

Hi, Greg. Welcome to our addiction group.

Now that that's out of the way, why am I here? I am switching to blogger.com instead of my MySpace blog for two reasons:

1. I am getting a little fed up with the antognist attitude the MySpace software is taking with me. I've had about 8 blogs deleted.

2. It seems that a lot of my friends are using this site, so I figured I might as well throw my hat into the ring and blog where they blog. I already shop where they shop and they made me drink because cool people do it, so they might as well lead me to the next big thing. And yes, if they jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge, I would, too.

If you want to catch up on my blog posts, check out, http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=145148687

I can sum it up for you if you don't want to read them or if MySpace is blocked from your office (get back to work, slacker):

1. I am a Christian. I majored in Religion and minored in Ancient Greek at Wake Forest Univeristy (WFU), and I harbor a lingering desire to return to that path of study. Most of my free time spent in thought focuses on issues relating to the New Testament, Christian Theology, and Church History. My blog periodically serves as an outlet for me to express these thoughts.

2. I like sports. The teams I root for in decreasing order: Cleveland Indians (Major League Baseball), Tennessee Titans (National Football League), WFU Demon Deacons (College sports), Brentwood Academy Eagles (High School Alma Mater), Arkansas School for the Deaf Leopards (most awesome school name of all time).

2.a. I like fantasy football and baseball.

3. I like movies. In another life, I would have been a film critic. As it is, I am an attorney. Go figure.

3.a. I like quoting movies and tv shows. In fact, I've had entire conversations with people that consisted nothing except fantasy sports and quoting movies.

4. I like lists. I was re-reading some old blog posts and I do the number thing a lot. Or the "Top 10" thing a lot. I've already used lists twice in this post.

5. I enjoy watching TV.

6. I like puzzles, video games, puzzle games, puzzle video games, video puzzle games, games puzzle video, and Dr. Pepper.

7. I am very dry, sarcastic, satricial, sardonic, and facetious. About seven years ago, a friend on IM angrily told me "You really need to start putting sarcastic IM/e-mail comments in brackets so people know when you're kidding." I'll try and do that here. For example, [I think The Hills is the greatest show on television and I've seen every episode.] See?

8. I [hate] a lot of things. I use the word liberally. Most of the time it doesn't mean I harbor a deep resentment that a mature person would get over in a second. Some times it does. Hate is most often used when talking about topic 2. For example, I hate the Boston Red Sox. I [hate] Wake Forest Basketball. See the difference?

9. Many people are idiots. No, I did not forget brackets. (just kidding, I did). I use this word liberally, too. Once again, most often used when talking about topic 2.

10. You probably could have read all my old blog posts by now.

11. I am not a grammar or spelling snob. I'll try to make it presentable; but if I wanted to proof read my writing, I'd pull out my high school English papers.

12. Moving on, my blogs consists mainly of these three things, in no order: Christianity/Religion, Sports, Movies/TV/Books. Maybe I should have put this at the beginning.

So far, Blogger.com seems to be a much better interface than MySpace. My only hope is that [random girls send me private messages promising nude pictures if I visit their website, which probably contains a virus.] That is hands down the [greatest] thing about MySpace.

Now, a more serious topic. Since this is my "first" blog, I thought I would explain the origins of the title. I tried creating this blog this morning before work got going. I got stuck at the title. I had to name my Blog. I absolutely suck at naming things. Every video game character/online identity where I had to provide a name (e.g. Final Fantasy, any RPG or online game with an avatar, even IM and Yahoo names) I always either:

1. Named it Greg.

2. Named it after a character in a book or another video game (no, I do not have a World of Warcraft character named Legolas. FYI, my Warcraft character is named Danael (my attempt at Hebrewizing (it's not a real word) Daniel from the Old Testament. Rather than actually googling it or, *gasp*, walking three feet to pull my Hebrew dictionary off the shelf, I failed miserably in my attempt to do so.) I have another WoW character named Melkior, which I copied from the SNES game Chrono Trigger.). Am I a complete dork? Yes.

3. Named it something stupid. Example: In some incarnation of Final Fantasy, I named my character Afaggot. Thus, every time some NPC in the game spoke to me, he or she would say "You must be Afaggot!" "I have been waiting for Afaggot to come along and here he is!" "I need Afaggot to help me!" "Just the other day I was looking for Afaggot." Immature? Yes. Hilarious? Yes. A one-time thing? Most certainly not. Did my college roommate and I laugh hysterically at this non-stop? Absolutely.

Regardless, perhaps you can understand my conundrum. Here I was, faced with another naming situation. I had to name my blog and it took me all day. I finally settled on the aforementioned "Alien Righteousness."

So the five W's on Alien Righteousness [Man, I am having a love affair with these lists]:

1. Who coined it? Martin Luther, as far as I know (See? I just copy stuff.)

2. When? Apparently in 1519, in his "Sermon on Threefold Righteousness."

3. Where? Probably somewhere in Germany.

4. What is it? Short version: It is Luther's explanation regarding how God's grace works. To quote Rick Downs (I'll write a lot about him later): "Oridnary righteousness is what you get when you do the right thing consistently, but such has shown to be insufficient for God. Extra-ordinary righteousness is given to the sinner by God as a gift on the basis of Jesus' atoning death. It's what Martin Luther calls 'an Alien Righteousness.'"

5. Why? I finally settled on this (and it was a tough call between this and Chief Wahoo 4eva) because I realized I had been thinking about this concept consistently for a little under a year. Additionally, my worries, my woes, my anxieties are lifted when I find myself thinking about this. It is a source of nourishment and refreshment. I find myself thinking about this often. And I wanted to share it. Plus, [Chief Wahoo 4eva was already taken]. And I felt a little guilty about choosing the Cleveland Indians over something relating to God. But it WAS close and I didn't feel THAT guilty.

So there you have it, I named a blog. It only took 15 hours. This first post was also waaaaaayyyy longer than I thought it was going to be. Why? My wife is watching The Hills and there was two episodes to catch up on. Every guy on that show is a total douche (by the way, I'm also judgmental, but then again, so are you) (come on, that was funny).

For your information, yes, my wife and I have talked about naming our kids? My suggestions so far?

1. Greg, Jr.

2. A Biblical name (I told you, I like to copy books).

3. Something funny when said in a sentence. And on that note, here is a quote from Bill Cosby:

It was because of my father that from the ages of seven to fifteen, I thought that my name was Jesus Christ and my brother, Russell, thought that his name was Dammit. "Dammit, will you stop all that noise?" And, "Jesus Christ, sit down!" One day, I'm out playing in the rain, and my father yelled, "Dammit will you get back in here!" I said, "Dad, I'm Jesus Christ!"

Comedy Gold. My wife has revoked me of child-naming privileges (we're not pregnant). (The previous parenthetical was addressed to the female family members reading this and freaking out. Many of them probably called me after "my wife and I have talked about naming our kids.").

Now comes another problem, how do I "sign off?" (and does the question mark go inside or outside the quotes?)

Do I do use something preachy (God Bless), witty (Blog ya later) (wow, that was lame), cliche (I can't think of one) (oh come on, that was hilarious), or do I just do nothing and end abruptly?

I'm open to any suggestions. For other things too: movies, books, magazines, tv shows, websites, etc.

For now, I'll just make it short and sweet.

-G